Everyone says change is good.
I sometimes like to think that everyone who says that clearly hasn’t gone through excessive change. I know that is not true. But, in my little head right now, it sure feels that way.
I know that the changes we are going through are good. Graduation, a move to a city closer to our families, the joys of transferring all of our information, changing insurance plans, bank stuff etcetera… All good. Friends getting married… Good. Friends moving to places to start the new bit of their lives… Good. The thing is, when it all happens at once. Or at least close enough to one time to make it, in the scheme of things seem like one time.
At this time, it is like we are being overwhelmed with change. Nothing seems to be the same. Nothing is settled. It will get there. But, for now, it is not there yet.
People keep saying things like, “this must be so exciting.” Exciting is one word I would use. I have a bunch of other less appropriate words that come to mind as well.
There have been multiple points in the last few weeks where I wish I was a runner. Because I think running would make me feel better. But, really I think it would just make me wheeze and then puke. And that doesn’t sound like anything gets better. But, running sounds like good stress relief.
So, instead I write. I would play music… But I am instrument deprived right now.
The whole change thing has been anti-climactic. Graduating was really not a big deal. I am more scared than ever to be a doctor. I am sad to leave everyone from school and church and such. Our apartment is awesome, but a never ending to-do pit. And, despite being closer to home, we really know nobody. And, though being home visiting is awesome, things here are so different every time we come back, it is just piling on to the overwhelmingness of it all.
Nonetheless, I am glad we are doing this. I am glad life is moving on and that we are having the opportunities we are blessed to have.
This is vacation time. Well, and moving time. The whole vacation-moving dichotomy alludes me. When I have relaxing time, I am still thinking about what I am supposed to be doing or where I am supposed to be going. Not an unusual phenomenon at the best of times, but more prominent now.
The other thing is that I feel so adjusted to not having a routine that I worry about making a routine. I am back to work at a new job in a couple weeks. And I have not been on the floors in two months. Eep. I keep contemplating creating a routine. Then, Patrick tells me to just enjoy vacation. So foolish.
Yet again, I am trying to embrace the time off. I think I am getting better at it. And the whole having all kinds of moving related things to do makes me seem busier part of it is probably good… Otherwise, I would be shack wacky by now!
Good things come from relaxation. Great things come from change. And repeat.