Marriage is a beautiful thing.
And not just when I find pictures hanging where there were only dreams of pictures before.
I try not to take it for granted. But, on weeks like this, it is easy to half take it for granted and half be grateful.
Work has been crazy. And awesome. I love my job so much, I have kind of leapt into it head first. I work from 8 until 5ish, then I read another hour or two every night… Or work on presentations or something.
It isn’t the first time I have been this busy. It is far from the last. In fact, it is going to be much worse when I am on far busier rotations in disciplines I far from love.
Patrick takes it all in stride.
Here we are in a city where we know few people. Our apartment is still not fully settled (he will argue it is mostly settled, but until I have almost everything in its proper place, I will probably disagree). I leave him alone for, in total at least 10 hours a day.
He goes out exploring. He peruses the Internet for jobs. He wastes a lot of time with TV and internet (what can I say, I get jealous that he has watched Boy Meets World, The Cosby Show, Full House and Who’s the Boss over the past week). He is also being a huge help to me.
I call him my “house husband.” Like a housewife, the househusband is a miracle worker. Things miraculously get done. Dishes are washed, beds made, clean laundry appears. Today, (after much discussion and er… debate last night about exact placement), he hung pictures (and not the euphemism from the show, 18 To Life… I don’t really talk about that here) for me. So, I came home and our house looks a bit more like a house.
He bought me a rose and met me after work today to go out for Indian. An unnecessary surprise, and unnecessary take out meal. But, it is joyful. And it was nice to relax and talk and enjoy half the walk home in his company.
As someone who can be busy and headstrong and a bit of a work-a-holic, it is good to have such a strong and entertaining support at home.
In the past, society really seemed to downplay the contribution of men in the home. Stay at home dads were not always looked upon the same as the moms. Women who did not stay home with the kids or to care for the home were the unusual ones.
I am glad we are past that. Or getting there. It makes me happy when people point out that Patrick would make a great stay at home father, or that I am lucky to have him help around the house. Yes, I feel inadequate when I don’t get that stuff done. At least not to the standard I like it at. Yes, I want all of the time in the world with our prospective children. But, I also grasp that we need to play to our strengths and that sometimes, financially, emotionally and otherwise, women choose to work, and sometimes the men can choose to stay home.
Right now, Patrick’s staying home is not entirely by choice. Teachers are a dime a dozen around here, so he is basically job-hunting for something to fill the gap until something in a school comes along. And, given it is summer, the gap before even a gap job is at least until September. So, he gets summer vacation. And house husband practice.
I worry that I will feel guilty if I go to work while Patrick stays home with the kids, or while they are in daycare. That I will miss out on things that I would otherwise get to be a part of. The thing is, even if you are home 24/7, you can miss things. So, I suppose it won’t entirely matter.
The awesome part is that I have a helper I can count on. And I am his helper. Because that is how God made it. We work together. We play to our roles. And sometimes mix it up because we need to in order to make things work. We have a relationship that is bigger than the outside stresses in life.
At the end of the day, we still get to lie in bed (so long as I’m not on in-house call), talk about the day, read the Bible and fall asleep. It is a routine I love and look forward to. It keeps us connected to one other. And to God. The two most important people in our lives.