I made it home from work early enough to catch the 5pm Gilmore Girls episode. It was the episode after Rory gets told by Logan’s father that she will make a good assistant one day. And she becomes crushed and discouraged and fails an exam and everything goes downhill for a bit.
I love this show. And I can relate to bits of it (my Dad swears I pretty much am Rory in many ways).
And sadly, I kind of relate to this episode. Not in the I once stole a yacht and failed an exam kind of way. But, in the I had high expectations for myself and got very discouraged.
Crushed was the word I used at the time. Crushed.
I had written the MCAT with intentions of going to medical school. I was young and in a program that doesn’t typically fork out med school candidates. I did okay on the MCAT. Not great. But, well enough to at least be considered by my two “local” schools. I decided to write the MCAT again in hopes of doing better and increasing my chances of getting in.
And then, a friend of mine. An extremely lovely and caring friend who can be rather, well, blunt said something to me that broke my heart. She informed me that I would probably not get into med school right away because the same thing happened to her sister. They like people with more experience and with higher scores. She meant well. She didn’t realize until several years later that what she said crushed me.
For several months, I continued with my façade of wanting to write the MCAT again. But, I didn’t think I could do it. I figured I might as well just focus on Nuc Med and hope for the best.
It didn’t help that all kinds of people pointed out that I was really young and it was fairly lofty of me to want to be a doctor.
I pretty much gave up inside of my head. I stopped trying as hard in school, I started to avoid several of my friends. I just wallowed in my med school dreams (and missing Patrick who was away on an internship).
I’d love to say I had some sort of divine miraculous intervention… I did when I first decided on medicine (more on that some other time). It was more subtle and gradual. But, over time, I gained confidence. I did well in school despite my lack of trying. My friends generally remained supportive (almost to a fault) of med school and I had someone to travel with to write the exam.
I did well on the exam. That is around when I really started to get motivated again. I applied to schools, I got interviews. Most people were still pessimistic. A healthy level of pessimism given my age and such. I still found it discouraging, but at least I knew that I could do it… Or I thought I could.
I got in.
It is pretty crazy how over a year and a half one can go from being crushed to being ecstatic.
Just like how on Gilmore Girls, things eventually sort out and work out.
It is cheesy, but sometimes life can be a bit like TV.