Feeling crushed

Getting ready to steal a yacht. Image from 11 Political Lessons We Learned From Gilmore Girls – dsetyani.wordpress.com.

I made it home from work early enough to catch the 5pm Gilmore Girls episode.  It was the episode after Rory gets told by Logan’s father that she will make a good assistant one day.  And she becomes crushed and discouraged and fails an exam and everything goes downhill for a bit.

I love this show.  And I can relate to bits of it (my Dad swears I pretty much am Rory in many ways).

And sadly, I kind of relate to this episode.  Not in the I once stole a yacht and failed an exam kind of way.  But, in the I had high expectations for myself and got very discouraged.

Crushed was the word I used at the time.  Crushed.

I had written the MCAT with intentions of going to medical school.  I was young and in a program that doesn’t typically fork out med school candidates.  I did okay on the MCAT.  Not great.  But, well enough to at least be considered by my two “local” schools.  I decided to write the MCAT again in hopes of doing better and increasing my chances of getting in.

And then, a friend of mine.  An extremely lovely and caring friend who can be rather, well, blunt said something to me that broke my heart.  She informed me that I would probably not get into med school right away because the same thing happened to her sister.  They like people with more experience and with higher scores.  She meant well.  She didn’t realize until several years later that what she said crushed me.

For several months, I continued with my façade of wanting to write the MCAT again.  But, I didn’t think I could do it.  I figured I might as well just focus on Nuc Med and hope for the best.

It didn’t help that all kinds of people pointed out that I was really young and it was fairly lofty of me to want to be a doctor.

I pretty much gave up inside of my head.  I stopped trying as hard in school, I started to avoid several of my friends.  I just wallowed in my med school dreams (and missing Patrick who was away on an internship).

I’d love to say I had some sort of divine miraculous intervention… I did when I first decided on medicine (more on that some other time).  It was more subtle and gradual.  But, over time, I gained confidence.  I did well in school despite my lack of trying.  My friends generally remained supportive (almost to a fault) of med school and I had someone to travel with to write the exam.

I did well on the exam.  That is around when I really started to get motivated again.  I applied to schools, I got interviews.  Most people were still pessimistic.  A healthy level of pessimism given my age and such.   I still found it discouraging, but at least I knew that I could do it… Or I thought I could.

I got in.

It is pretty crazy how over a year and a half one can go from being crushed to being ecstatic.

Just like how on Gilmore Girls, things eventually sort out and work out.

It is cheesy, but sometimes life can be a bit like TV.

4 thoughts on “Feeling crushed

  1. The odd thing is that you expect your friends to encourage you and cheer you on. Most people don’t do as well as they can because they don’t have the cheering section behind them! Kudos to you for seeing it through and living your dream.

    • It is true. And they did cheer me on, for the most part. That individual joined in too… Once things looked more promising. I am glad I pushed through!

  2. In High school, as it got down to deciding what to do next, I had the desire to attend Vet school. While I was not the smartest in my class, my grades were not terrible either. The guidance officer took me aside one day and told me, basically I didn’t have the grades to pull it off and I would be wiser to look @ other career options…right then and there the “expert” cut off my dreams @ the knees….years later when I was building a home for a woman who was herself a Vet, I shared with her my desire..she looked me in the eye and said “doug, you could have made it!” I didn’t pass my boards on the first or second time either…but if you wanted it bad enough, knowing you as I do, you would have made it. Which comes right back to that whole biblical concept of the power of the tongue..for life and for death (to kill) love hearing the back drop to your career! DM

    • Wow, it is amazing how people can say things that impact you so deeply and sometimes not even realize it. My Dad had a guidance person say something to him in junior high along the lines of him never being able to be more than a labourer because that is what his dad was and discouraged him from going into an academic stream in high school. He did it anyway (out of spite), but nonetheless, the things people say can have an impact good or bad on what you can choose for your life. It does circle back to the power of the tongue. Thanks for sharing your story!

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