All Grown Up

I noticed the daily prompt from yesterday today and because I sometimes like to rebel and defy social norms (okay, not so much, but I can pretend to be a rebel), I decided to do it a day late. The prompt is to “when was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?”

I honestly don’t feel like a grown up much of the time.  I kind of feel like despite being married and employed and such that I am still not what I pictured an adult to be when I was a kid.  Part of it is probably that I have been in school forever and still kind of am.  And part of it is just that we always have more room to grow.  I don’t think that is such a bad thing.

The time that sticks out to me as a time I felt like a grown up is when I was in cadets, possibly around age 14 or 15 and I started being left in charge of people younger than me for extended periods of time.  But not only that, I had some sort of responsibility along with it.  I taught band and more particularly, I organized our marching band displays.  The first year I did it was a huge leap for me because I was still younger than a big chunk of the group and it was taking over a job of someone I loved and respected.  It was a lot of responsibility and there as much adversity involved, but I was glad to do it.

I have had other grown up moments, a number of them involve times where I have been left in charge of difficult situations when I was working with the cadet movement.  But, there are more recent stand alone adult moments.

When I finally got my drivers license and started going from place to place on my own.  Particularly after I bought my first car (a cherry red Toyota Camry circa 1995) with money I had made working for the summer at my first non-summer camp job.

When I took my first plane trip completely by myself to visit Patrick in Montreal.

Moving to the Rock and realizing that I was eerily alone after my Mom left.

Standing by my best friend and her family before and after her Dad (one of my “other fathers”) died.

Getting married and promptly packing our entire lives in the car and driving back to the Rock a day post-wedding.

Having our parents and friends visit us in our new home.

Realizing that many of the people I grew up with are getting married and having babies.

Getting a real pay cheque for a “real” job.

Going out and getting a cat.

Being on-call repeatedly in a week and coming out the other side realizing that both the patients and I survived.

There are more.  It is interesting how there are flashes of feeling grown up and how the rest of the time you kind of just exist in a semi-adult state.  The funny thing is, I still am not fully in my terminal adult career, I still say “when I grow up, I will be…” and therefore I am still in limbo.  Though, when I get there, I will still likely not consistently feel grown up.


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