I am not a gold digger

It is guest post time.  My lovely husband Patrick volunteered to submit a post in a potential series of posts that he entitles “Married to a doctor, but I am not a gold digger.”  I take no responsibility for any sappiness to follow.

The spouse and I.

The spouse and I.

Yes, I am married to the lovely Doctor (Resident) that writes this awesome blog but I am not a gold digger as some well-meaning, but clearly paranoid,  people actually asked  if Trisha if she was worried about that possibility in the past.  For starters, I don’t fit all stereotypical qualities of a gold-digger such as being younger (I’m older) or more beautiful (Trisha’s personality wasn’t the only reason I married her). But, the main reason I’m not a gold-digger is due to the fact that I broke the cardinal rule of gold-digging- I married her way before she was financially ready to fund my globe-trotting, “charge it!” lifestyle!

When we started dating, she was a poor broke student who hadn’t even applied to medical school yet but that didn’t stop me from falling in love with her. After all, I wasn’t looking for a doctor or lawyer but a best friend to have fun, start a family and grow old together with.  I had so much fun with her that I married her just before her 2nd year of Medical school (which many people see as crazy in itself) when her finances were increasing…  In debt, that is.  As you know she was studying in the isolated but beautiful Rock. We spent our first three years of marital bliss (most of the time) living in a basement (but nice) apartment without cable TV (everything is online now anyway) and “Jag”, a car that wasn’t old in years but was known affectionately as the car with all the miles on it at the service department.  Our main source of income was my part-time jobs which sometimes added up to full-time depending on how many hours I got.  I didn’t even substitute teach until the last few months there.  I think we will always look back on that time as a very happy and unique time in our lives. We didn’t live beyond our means but still had a lot of fun with all the friends, many who became like family in a place where we had none.

Anyway, now that I’ve proved that I ‘m not a gold digger I’ll share a few thoughts on what its really like to be married to a doctor in training.

I feel like I could write a blog about it myself and many people have done just that.  Most of the blogs I’ve come across on have been written by a female, however, the highs and lows are still very much the same- except of course my inability to personally birth our future children.

Studying to be a doctor is no cake walk as everyone knows, so it’s not that surprising that most people think it’s crazy to get married in the middle of medical school.  I’m sure that the same people think that I was crazy to marry a medical student because she clearly doesn’t have the time or energy needed to be a good wife after long days of studying and working with patients.  But I don’t think that’s true, at least not for Trisha.   Some people get tunnel vision when faced with challenging things and that is all their life is- eat, sleep and study (or other fill in the blank activity).  To each their own, but I’m very glad that Trisha is not that type. Yes, she is much focused but needs to have a real life that I and friends outside of school/hospital play a big part in.  That is not always easy, but we make it work because it’s more than worth it.   For example, Trisha was stuck in the hospital on call this past New Year’s Eve but I met her in the cafeteria to eat Chinese food and ring in the New Year a little early.  In the end I was actually glad I was home with the cat when midnight struck, so I could be there to comfort him (Jeter who is not a big fan of fireworks to say the least).

One of my main love languages is quality time, which may seem problematic with a wife who has a very demanding profession. I can’t say that I always get as much time as I or we would like.  But really who does?

We are both glad that we don’t work together (as many of her friends and their significant others do) because it makes reconnecting at the end of the day more interesting, not to mention our different working styles would probably drive us both crazy!  When Trisha and I first started dating, a person once told me about their brother, a teacher, who was married to another teacher and how perfect that was for them. Holidays and summer holidays together-what’s not to love.  In theory it does hold some appeal and we have married teacher friends who are doing just fine. However the reality starting out is not so rosy from the way I see it.  In most of Canada new teachers substitute for years before getting a full-time gig or have to move far away to get one (like to the Yukon). I don’t think it would be fun for Trisha and me to be competing for substitute and eventually full-time jobs, all while trying to make ends meet with part-time jobs that hopefully don’t interfere with teaching.  Plus, we would both be so sick of kids by the time we got home that we wouldn’t want anything to do with our own!  I kid (pun intended) about the last part but nevertheless I’m glad Trisha has chosen a profession where her chances of getting a job are a lot better even if we still may have to move farther away from home.

Does that make me a gold digger? I don’t think so but I’ll let you decide. All I know is that Trisha and I are still having fun and I think the best is yet to come. 

4 thoughts on “I am not a gold digger

  1. Ah yes, when people think you’re an opportunist–I can very much relate! Five years ago when my fiance and I were in undergrad and just starting to date, my friend said, “He’s a biology major and you’re not: what could you two possibly talk about?” Lots of things, we discovered. Thanks for guest writing!

  2. Great post, you are a rare treasure! I find it horrifying that anyone would impune that you are a gold digger! I would think that people would say that about her as you carry the finances! You seem to have a strong and healthy relationship, which is know is very hard to maintain given Tricia’s circumstances. I love her blog, her attitude towards life is inspiring.

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