Well, this about sums up a day in my life.
Recently, I have been struggling a lot with this balance.
I am trying to cut back on the coffee. I have acknowledged that quitting smoking is difficult and if it is anything like cutting back coffee when in medicine, I can at least better imagine how tough it must be. I am not a HUGE coffee drinker. I was a maybe two cup per day person… Three if social circumstances required. But, trying to keep it down to one cup per day is mind blowing for me. Physically it isn’t too bad. But, the habit of having coffee and the social aspect is terrible.
In medicine, there is sometimes free coffee at rounds. And when we want to teach, we often teach “over coffee.” And one of the best ways to sneak off the floor for a few minutes is to volunteer to go get coffee. Plus, the cafeteria at my hospital stops selling all but Tim’s coffee after 2. Which means you are limited to Tim’s decaf, which, in my opinion tastes more like cigarette butts than their real coffee.
In my social life, I have a number of friends who are equally coffee addicts. Or it is just the main socially acceptable beverage to socialize over.
So, the coffee balance is a struggle. But coffee is good. So, that is okay.
Then, there is a whole Jesus thing. Well, not a thing. Person. Deity. All that.
I have found the whole lot of Jesus thing hard.
Not because He isn’t always around. But because I don’t always want Him around.
And at least half the people reading think I am crazy. And that is fine.
Back to my point…
I have really been struggling with the battle between being legalistic and going through the motions versus genuine faith. A lot of my recent everything has been one the going through the motions side of things. I can give a million excuses. I have been tired, and sad about a bunch of things and stressed about a bunch of somewhat related things. And I just haven’t wanted to give myself up.
I feel like I got past some of that stuff, but then I got caught in the what I have to do trap. I kept thinking that I needed to do certain things to be faithful. That what I did “spiritually” affected my outcome in everything.
The problem was that I took the focus off God and had it on me. That isn’t cool.
We talked about that in church this week. There was a name for it. I forgot the name of it. The concept of being faithful for what you will escape because of it. I can’t remember, but really, I guess that isn’t important.
What is important is God. And that was something I was reminded of.
Look at Joseph hanging out in prison and when he gets his chance to shine in front of Pharoh, he throws the emphasis and the credit back to God. Like he should.
The goal is to be worshipful. Not to be self-fulfilled.
I need to work on that. But, the first step is admitting it is an issue and asking God to give me better intentions.
But yes, coffee and Jesus. Key elements for survival.