Heartbreaking loss

One of my seemingly large number of people in my age bracket with cancer that I knew through the medical school world died this weekend.

He was the boyfriend (basically, spouse) of one of my closer classmates.   And he was a Dad.  And a friend of many.

They were two of the lovelies we saw Coldplay with in Europe.  He was the one that I had a running joke with for a year that I clearly didn’t like him because I (in my old lady ways) would always be leaving a party when he would get there after work.  He sometimes brought us food, coffee (or alcohol, depending on the indication) and laughs.

They are back in the place I went to med school.  I can’t go to the funeral.  I can’t give her a hug.

His cancer was one of the ones I, as an oncology person, would say is a good one to have.  One that has a high rate of cure.  Unfortunately, someone has to be in the subset that doesn’t do well.

I just wish it wasn’t him.

And then, I go to medical oncology clinic.  I give good news and I give bad news, mostly to people twice his age.  I quote statistics and review treatments.  But, they are just numbers, just data.

And all I can think about is him.  And her.  And the soul crushing loss that must be losing your life partner.  And at such a young age.

I see people posting heartfelt statuses, blog posts and such about how great he was, how sad they are.  But, nothing can compare to what she feels.   At least, that is what I imagine.  I can’t really know.  Nobody except she and God can.

I don’t even have words.

I can’t even imagine.  I can’t do the sentiment justice.

My heart is broken.

All I can do is pray.

11 thoughts on “Heartbreaking loss

  1. I started to click “like” for this post… but it is hard to like posts like this. I am so sorry for your loss and your friend’s loss. It’s just so hard to understand why things like this happen sometimes. We struggle to understand, but in reality, we never will. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    • It is funny how you want to click “like,” but at the same time, it just seems wrong. I have that dilemma all too often, it seems.
      It is so tough to understand, but in a way, I find it easier just knowing that I can’t understand because some things are just bigger than we are.
      Thanks for the prayers.

  2. So sorry for you loss – and for his family’s. Yes, prayer is all that sustains us sometimes. My cousin died exactly one year ago from a cancer that they originally thought would never kill her. She was 51, had only been married 2 years. One never can know for sure what life will bring. Makes me more aware of appreciating each day. Of snuggling with my kids. Of love.

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