The Church, The Childless and The Challenge

Someone I know from back home posted this article from the Gospel Coalition on Facebook.

How the Church Makes the Trial of Infertility Better (or Worse).

I suggest if you are in the church, or even if you are a part of society co-existing with childbearing age women, you should read it.  It offers some good food for thought.

The church we go to is FULL of young families.  Full.  So much so that almost every week or two there is a birth announcement or yet another couple announcing yet another pregnancy.  It is actually kind of a game — the trying to predict when and who the next announcement is coming from.  And it is awesome.  I mean, so great to see people having kids and sharing in that joy and having babies and kids to hang with all the time.

But, when you really want kids, that can also be sad and frustrating.

I like that the article addressed the struggles and hurt that many people go through and normalized them.

It made me know that we aren’t alone in not having kids and existing in the church in our mid to late twenties because sometimes, where we are now, it feels like the exception rather than a piece of the norm.

This is a good reminder that not everybody can have children or wants to have children or some combination of the two and that these people, like those with families, need love and support too.

8 thoughts on “The Church, The Childless and The Challenge

  1. I’ll definitely check out the article. I hate it when people ask me about when we’re going to have kids, because even though I know they mean well, I want to ask them if they realize how rude it sounds. We haven’t actually tried to have kids yet, but I know many people who have struggled with getting pregnant, or have gotten pregnant and then miscarried, so to ask about babies just seems like a very intrusive question to me, because there is a lot of pain attached to the subject for people. It’s something that I’ve really tried to be sensitive to over the last few years.

    • It is very aggravating when people ask that question. I agree with you, they mean well, but it is a really personal question. When I was younger, I thought it was harmless, but being married for a few years (and hearing it over and over), plus seeing others go through the pain of miscarriage and fertility issues, I realized how much of an impact it can have.

  2. I thought the article was very well written and as you said, it offers good food for thought. My husband and I had a lot of trouble getting pregnant. I begged my gynecologist to start infertility testing after we had tried hard for 11 months. He tested my husband after just a few months but said he routinely did not do start infertility testing on women until they had tried and been unsuccessful for 12 consecutive months (I guess because the testing in women is a little more invasive?). I was buying the expensive ovulation detection kits every single month and we were following my doctor’s orders to a tee. It just wasn’t happening. It was very frustrating and it did sometimes hurt when people all around us were announcing their pregnancies. I was happy for them, but still it hurt. I got really tired of all the poor advice people gave me about getting pregnant– things like I just needed to relax, or I needed to just drink wine, get drunk, quit trying so hard (that was always my favorite), blah, blah, blah. I ended up conceiving on that 12th month and we were SO happy and excited. But we miscarried at 8 weeks and it was devastating for us. Thankfully, getting pregnant the 2nd and 3rd time was much easier.

    • I’m glad you agree on the article.
      Also, thanks for sharing your story.
      Because of the probability of pregnancy in normal healthy women under 35, the general rule of thumb is to not start testing until after 12 months of trying. At 6 months, 50% of normal, healthy couples conceive and at 12, it is upwards of 90%. It helps minimize unnecessary testing and such. Can you tell I have looked into this before (and have recently written a national licensing exam)? It doesn’t change how frustrating it is waiting and seeing.
      I hate all of the advice too. I have heard it all directed at friends and myself for that matter.
      Miscarriages are so devastating and very little spoken of. Sorry for your loss.
      Glad that it all worked out for you, though!

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