I love lists.
I am sure you noticed if you are around here very often. I am all about top ten lists and the like. I am pretty sure I could make a top ten list of my favourite top ten lists.
But it isn’t just ranking my favourite things.
It is also my favourite organizational tool.
I have my to do list on the wall in the resident’s room. I update it weekly and check things off and such, much to the fascination to the other residents.
I am excited thinking about the address list I need to formulate in order to write and send our Christmas cards (on an aside, this is the first year I am properly sending out Christmas cards… It makes me feel very adult).
I make pro-con lists. I made one about dating Patrick, marrying Patrick, getting a cat, picking an apartment, picking a residency program. Yes. I am pretty much the real-life Rory Gilmore of pro-con lists.
In medicine, we use a lot of lists. We memorize protocols for different procedures or issues or differentials. Some people mneumonics. I hate those things. I can’t do it. I need to understand the logic, the pattern. And then I can hammer out the list.
I have a life list.
As in I, although it is not written down, have a basic outline for how I see things going. A 5 and 10 year plan, if you may.
I know that these things aren’t set in stone. I mean, I get that. I also get that it is not always in my control. But, I know we are here until 2017… Probably more like 2018. I know when we want to have a baby… And another baby. I know what fellowship I want to do and where I want to work. Where Patrick could work.
It is all in there in my head.
I hate it when my lists don’t work out. When a condition doesn’t fit the pattern I expect. When life throws a curve ball. When I am out of the cleaning supply I need to get the next thing on the cleaning plan done. When the budget doesn’t work out.
I like plans. I like lists.
Life and medicine throws curveballs.
I feel like medicine excels at the curveball.
Curveballs mess with my lists. They add to them or change them in ways I can’t otherwise predict.
But, figuring out how to get around the curveball is pretty cool too. And trusting that eventually, it will hit the ground or your glove and then you get to try to start over from a different point.
Then, I can make a new list. Or at least try.
And have the satisfaction of checking things off or sorting things out in the end.
The big picture thing for me is that God plays a HUGE role in the whole list thing and rearranging thing. The rearranging often comes with me not paying attention to Him to see that He is moving things in a different direction or wants me to move in a different direction. He has a bigger plan.
God is the ultimate list maker.
Sometimes I just like my list. It is easier to see and to process. But, I keep telling myself His is better. And often our lists are the same. But sometimes, He is the one that throws a curveball. And I trust that those work out for the best in His time.
Some big things have been checked off my list recently. The LMCCII, a presentation, some scheduling issues, getting a new coffee table set (it is sad how essential this was starting to become). All of these are notches in the belt, ticks on the list. Evidence of progress, even if it seems like there are a ton of big things still to come.
Progress is progress. And plans and patterns are helpful, but they aren’t perfect. I just want them to be sometimes to make things easier. I just need to trust that there is a better list maker at work here.