This week’s writing challenge from the Daily Post is entitled “I Wish I Were.”
I saw this and promptly thought of millions of things I wish I were. Okay, not millions, but more than I can list here. And then I thought of it. My ultimate “I wish I were.” It was much simpler than I thought it would be. I simply wish I were satisfied.
Promptly, I can see you furrowing your brow and thinking “Oh Trisha, how emo of you. Can’t you just enjoy the challenge?”
Yes, I am enjoying the challenge. It was fun to think of things and places I wish I were. The sheer number startled me, though. For instance, I wish I were at home, I wish I were back on the Rock, I wish I were a mother, I wish I were done residency, I wish I were able to play guitar (actually play, not what I pretend to), I wish I were able to sing more, I wish I were able to write more and more effectively, I wish I were a better wife, I wish I were around more for my friends, I wish I were able to fly a magic jet pack to wherever I needed to be, I wish I were a superhero who could do all of these things and more. You get the point. I wish I were a lot of things.
The thing is, although I can work towards these goals (okay, maybe not the superhero thing, but the jet pack is totally feasible, no?), you can’t always be everything you wish you were. And with good reason. Then everyone would have crazy superpowers and be flying around all willy nilly with jet packs.
Lately, I have been dissatisfied. I have felt as if I haven’t been keeping up the house the way I would like. I haven’t been doing things I enjoy as much because there is no time within my schedule. We live in a new city we still have yet to figure out and miss people because they seem to be everywhere but here.
In reality though, despite listing off everything I wish I were, I realized there are many things I can be glad I am or am not. I am glad I am a resident in my program of choice, I am glad we have a nice apartment in a city that is driving distance from our home-home, I am glad to be married to a man who loves me for me and I am glad we have food to eat. Furthermore, I am happy to not have a life threatening illness, to not have pest problems and to not have the responsibilities that come with being a superhero.
I have plenty, I do plenty. Yet, I instinctively want more. When I get one of those wants, I seem to find something else to want. Take our current home. We lived much further away a few short months ago and all we wanted was to be closer. We got that wish. We moved closer to home. Now, we miss our old home and our childhood home. We got what we wanted, but now we want more.
I have been told time and time again that I should have satisfaction in Christ. That God is enough for me.
But whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” -John 4:14
I believe this. Christ offers total satisfaction. Not in the material way, but in the spiritual. I don’t always act it or live it. It takes faith and belief. I need to live my life as if this is indeed the truth. And I don’t. At least not always. I whine and complain and worry about bills and time. Really, I should be satisfied in the grace that God has given me.
As a result, I wish I were satisfied. I wish that I truly remembered day by day everything I have, everything I am by the grace of God. I need to accept that grace every day.
But, even if you don’t believe this, there is something to be said for being satisfied. There is always something we seem to long for. We are culturally programmed to compare ourselves, to say “I wish I were.” It is fun to dream, but it can be draining to take these dreams to the extreme.
To be satisfied is to not want for anything. To be content in life. To be content in myself. I am content in God. I need to transpose that to myself.
Today, I am taking a step back. Remembering all of the things I actually am, all of the things I actually have. The many blessings in my life. I can have goals and dreams, but they can sometimes take over. I don’t want that. I want to be satisfied with what I have at this point in my life. Not to lose ambition, but to regain perspective. I think one can be satisfied and still press onward.
I wish I were satisfied.
Perhaps, I just took a step to making that a reality.
What do you wish you were or are you satisfied?