Things That Make Me (Patrick) Thankful

It is time for another Patrick guest post.  For you new folks out there, Patrick is my husband.  Every once in a while, he feels so compelled to write a blog post of his very own.  Today, I am sick with a cold and he was not working, so he volunteered his blog post writing services.

Yes, I know that I’m a little late for Canadian Thanksgiving, which was this past weekend but I’m more than a month early for American Thanksgiving, so I think it balances out.  In all seriousness, I don’t think Thanksgiving should be the only time people are thankful any more than Valentine’s day should be the only day people are romantic with their significant others.  God has blessed me with far too much to contain my gratefulness to only one day. So here is a list of the main things of what I’m thankful for.

Disclaimer: If you don’t like mushy stuff or would rather focus on the things you don’t have than this post is not for you. Side effects may include warm fuzzy feelings and overall better moods.

Family:   

The first person I need to mention is my best friend, biggest fan and only person I can spend inordinate amounts of time around without needing a break……..my cat.   Just kidding, I’m referring to my wonderful wife. I couldn’t imagine my life without her and am glad we can still make each other laugh hysterically, cheer each other up and drive each other crazy.

As she mentioned last week my older brother D came to visit us for the first time in our semi-new location. It was nice to show him around town and treat him to a meal at one of our favorite restaurants. But more than that it was great to simply hang out together doing things we’ve always enjoyed like playing basketball, watching hockey games and talking about our childhood shenanigans.

We then went home for the long weekend and saw all of our family there.  We drove up with Trisha’s parents to visit her Aunt and Uncles’ farm, which includes a goose (well did until this weekend…), chickens, goats, rabbits, barn cats and dogs. Not to mention 3 fun kids who we played with and helped carve Halloween pumpkins. As we ate a delicious farm fresh Thanksgiving dinner, I thought about the saying “when you marry someone you marry their family” and how glad I married the family that I did.

We had another Turkey day dinner with my immediate family the next day which included my 91 year-old “Granky,” who is always a pleasure to see. Before we started eating my sister insisted we take a family photo, which was carrying on my Grandmothers’ tradition only Grammy usually suggested it just as we were taking our first bites. Our family has a lot to be thankful in the past year alone including my sisters new/better job, multiple pay raises, and my brother finding a special someone who recently started a new job herself.

We had a third turkey day dinner on Monday with Trisha’s parents and her two grandmothers to conclude our family dinner tour.

Of course I have to mention our crazy cat Jeter because he has brought a lot of laughs and aw moments since we got him last Halloween. He’ll soon start the terrible twos but that doesn’t apply to cats… Right?

Friends

While we were home, we also managed to see one of our best couple friends L & C and catch up on how their recent move and C’s new job has been going. We stuffed our faces and laughed a lot.

This time last year, we were just starting to get settled here ourselves and barely knew anyone. Since then another one of our favorite couples moved near us for a job, which has been great. Trisha now has someone to share her coffee addiction with I have a movie buddy again. We also share a lot of other interests including our love of cats, which comes in handy as we can cat-sit for each other when we go away.

As an introvert, I don’t make friends easily but thankfully our church has fun events such as bonfires and men’s events, which help a lot. I’m also excited that our new small group has finally started up and the new friendships that will spawn as a result. I’ve also joined a Recreational basketball league with total strangers and am getting to know some cool people as a result. We are possibly the worst team in the league but that’s okay because we are named the “Honey badgers”. I still believe that to make a friend you have to be a friend and I’m confident that when we look back a year from now we will have a lot of great memories with both new and old friends.

**If you don’t know where the name Honey Badgers comes from, check out this YouTube video that inspired their name (heads up… the narrator does swear).  

Jobs

For the first time ever when someone asks me what I do for a living I can answer, “I am a Teacher” and just a teacher.  Up until this year I’ve worked many different jobs at the same time including teaching but this year I decided it was time to finally focus on my actual career.  There are many reasons for why I did so and that’s a story for another time, but I know I made the right decision. Yes, I am a substitute teacher, not full-time but that is still a decent job in itself. In fact, I didn’t even realize I got an almost 5 % raise in my pay until I got my first pay cheque because the Teachers union signed a new contract.  September was busier than expected for the first month of school and October has been slow so far. But up and down is how it goes and as bad as it sounds I am looking forward to cold and flu season which is coming up fast. The fact that I “just” substitute teach confuses many well-meaning people who don’t fully understand why I can’t get a full-time teaching position or why I would do something that isn’t a guaranteed job every day or. The reality is that there are far more teachers out there than jobs and I can’t work a normal 9-5 job that would prevent me from taking teaching jobs that come up.  I have applied to a couple tutoring jobs that wouldn’t interfere but haven’t had any luck so far. I could work retail or other unrelated job as long as they understand that teaching is my priority. I’m thankful that I have the luxury of not having to work multiple jobs because of Trisha’s job, which also confuses people.

Both our careers have very dismal job market projection for the next few years but I’m glad that unlike many careers, we are still able to work in them in different capacitates.  Plus as the Biblical proverb says worrying will not make us any taller or live longer. We can only trust that God will take care of us has he always has in the past.

Everything else

I could keep going on and on about things like good health and Canada and material things, but I’ll give you a chance to think about what you are thankful for instead of reading more about me. I’ll end with an illustration that personally really put things in perspective and I should think about more often instead of focusing on the negatives.  After all, there are far more positives and it’s much more fun to focus on them!  We once did a video series that talked about how if you have a fridge or a car you are rich compared to most of the world.  This is along the same lines.

Image from sendmeusemechangeme.blogspot.com

Exhale

The post I was thinking about writing ties in well with the Daily Post daily prompt from a couple days ago, “Exhale,” which asks you to tell about a time when you felt like everything was going wrong and then suddenly you knew it was going to be alright.

In this case, I did know in my head it was going to be alright, at least in theory before this, but still, it fits.

As those of you who read this blog may have noticed, I have been struggling a lot with feeling a part of the community at church.  I’m not a naturally outgoing person and I don’t fit a lot of the typical gender roles of women my age in the church (maybe this isn’t really true, but it is how I feel sometimes).  I have been kind of bothered by the fact that we have been here for a year and things are still challenging socially for me when not at work (my fellow residents/physics folks are geekily delightful) or with the Child and her husband (again, thank goodness for them).  I knew it would take time and I felt like I was gaining ground until the summer hit and our D-group (small group) dissolved for the formation of new groups this fall.

Despite that, I have tried (prayed really hard and tried to be optimistic… er… listened to Patrick’s optimism) to trust that we would make more friends and have real friendships and community.  And tried to trust that this takes time and that really a year, especially with how much we have been away/working, isn’t that long.  And tried to trust that the thoughts in my head that I was hopeless on this end and that things could never be as good as we had with our small group on the Rock were not true.

As a human.  Especially as a human who likes to control things, but doesn’t like groups of people, this has been a challenge.  And although I was trying to leave it all to God and stop putting pressure on myself (and others), I felt very discouraged and kind of down about the whole thing.

Tonight was our first meeting with our new Discipleship group (D-group).  We are definitely the only people that nobody really knows.  And I am totally Patrick’s wife to most of them. That being said, we shared a meal with a group of people from a diverse number of backgrounds.  Single, married, some with teens and others with an infant.  Some go way back, others have known eachother for a year or two.

It was nice.  It was nice to be with people in a group that wasn’t work related.

The first meeting is mainly about setting group ground rules and getting to know one another and praying around what God is going to do for the year.  It was good.

It seems like a good group of people and I think we will have good discussions.

It seems silly, but even just meeting up for the first time and starting to plan for year ahead and chatting a bit made me feel better.  Even though I was terrified to go initially.

It will be okay.  We will get to know more people and I will fit in.

Tonight was just the reminder I needed.

Struggling With Community

Today was our church’s community day.

Basically it is a day where we had a café and music and bbq and a freecycle (basically a yard sale where you can take whatever you want for free) and games for kids and cub cars.  The whole community comes out (which in the neighbourhood we live in leads to some very interesting characters).

So, it is a very social day.

I am tired of people.

The beauty of our church and days like this is that we are a very “together” church as one of our past small group members described.  It is smaller and they take the whole community thing very seriously with whole church parties, bonfires and the like.  I love that about the church.  I think community it important.

When we first started going there, people noticed we were new and introduced themselves.  It was great (well, terrifying, but in a “yay, these people actually want to know us” kind of way).  But, once you are there for a while, you become part of the crowd.  The thing is for me is that most of the crowd are either single students or married parents and some days I feel like there isn’t a whole lot of in between.  That and much of the crowd has known eachother forever, so as much as we are welcome, I very rarely feel like I truly fit in except at our small group.

Last week, the women were having another baby shower for another person I don’t know.  I hate baby showers.  And I get so stressed out about social events when I don’t know people.  I went home from church and freaked out to Patrick about how I will never make friends at this rate because I don’t like typical “woman” activities and don’t have time for half the stuff.

He told me “to make a friend, you have to be a friend.”

Very wise, Patrick.   Very wise.

The Child had a similar freak-out with her husband.

As much as I feel alone, she has met even fewer people because they have yet to get plugged into a small group and such.  At least I can say a knowing “hi” to people.

So, we are both together in our loneliness.

Patrick says we are connected on some weird wavelength.

So, we have vowed to be more social.  Including making each other go to things where we can meet other people from the church.

And thus, we volunteered to help with the café for community day.  Coffee, baked goods and saying polite “hellos.”  Right up our alley.    Plus, I love helping people.

And we did it.  And I feel like we did talk to more people than I normally would have.  In fact, I realized that I at least can chat briefly with more people that I know (sort of) that I had thought.  I also, in some bizarre twist of introductions,  examined the intern pastor’s shoulder (awkward).

That kind of talking is fine.  I like conversations that have purpose.  Like reminiscing about skip-its (How awesome were they?  I mean, until you cracked yourself in the ankle or something) or talking about the beauty of the coffee.   I think that is the same skill that gets me through in my job.  I can polite small talk.  I am interested in people and their stories.

I, however, am not good at walking up to someone random and just chatting.

I had to do it for a bit when I was on the InterVarsity exec in university.  I do it when potential new residents come.  I hate it.

I am a shy person.

You wouldn’t necessarily think it if you saw me talking the face off of someone I know, but I am.

So, when my time at the café was done, I didn’t know what to do with myself.  I am not artistic, so the painting did not appeal to me.  I don’t have kids and hate kids in mass, so the kids stuff looked like a nightmare (this is where most of the people I know were, including Patrick).  So, I rummaged through the freecycle and eventually went home early.

My problem is me.

I know that.

I am scared of being rejected.  I am scared of not fitting in.   I know a big piece of it is self-centred.  Nobody really cares.  But, I get weirded out sometimes when randoms join my conversation, so I project those feelings on others.

Plus, I was tired of people.

Hello, introvert!

I feel like I am slowly (very slowly) getting to know people.  And very slowly making friends.  Patrick has met a ton of people.  They like him.  They apparently ask about me.

It felt easier at our last church.  I still struggled because that is how I roll and I came from a church where everyone knew everyone.   It was bigger, but our small group was our community because we were almost all from away and had no other connections, so we ventured together.  That made a big difference, I think.  It was still tough to get to know others, but we had a core group who felt similarly as our safety net while we pursued our own interests.

Here, our small group is changing next month and they were almost all there for years and know everyone else. Not quite as built in a mini-community because here everyone does everything together.  And yes, almost everyone is under 40, but many are either students or parents of many and we are somewhere in between (I know there are others… I know it).

And yet, I love it.

I love that it is a together church, I love that it is so young and that there are kids and such.  I love that just by being there and being a Christian, I belong. I love that I am continually challenged by this community and a piece of this is the hugely social aspect.  I just wish I could some how more easily feel like I fit in, instead of feeling so anxious about it all the time.

The good piece is that days like today do still feel like a small bit of progress.  And we will have a new small group soon, which means people to develop closer relationships and accountability.  And the run is coming up and some other stuff that will make us put ourselves out there a bit more.

It will come.  It took over a year at our last church before I really started feeling entirely at home.  I take time to settle and really feel engaged.

I guess that is something God and I have to work on.  Because I am not good at this sort of thing on my own.

Community is both natural and intentional.  I feel like right now I know I am in a community, but I just don’t always feel a part of it.  I did feel angry because I was feeling left out of the community, but I have come to realize that people are inclusive, I just have to show up and try.  A lot of that feeling a part of the community I am in needs to come from me making an effort.  Something I didn’t have the time or energy to do until recently.

My life/marriage as summarized in two Vocal Few songs

I have developed a new musical obsession with the band Focal Few featuring the lead singer from The Classic Crime and his wife.

Seriously, I have been listening to their two EPs incessantly for the last week.

I mean, any band that has a tagline, “A guy and his pregnant wife making music” has to be a win, right?

Two of my favourite songs from this group are two songs that I feel like fit with our anniversary adventure last week.  There is something about commemorating the number of years one is with another person that makes you think back to all of the stuff you have made it through.  There is also something about life that makes you think of all the things you have yet to go through.

“The Road” is one of those songs that looks back at how God has this funny way of planting you right where you need to be, even if it feels like it isn’t.  The journey is important to reaching a destination, but sometimes it feels like you are at a destination when you are still on the journey.

Looking back, it is easy for me to see how our apart time had each of us in places where we needed to be to get to where we are now.  At the time, though, not so much.  I am sure that is just like how I will look back at weekends on call while Patrick goes out camping with the church and such.

“We’ll Make It Some Day” has now begun to appear on my workout playlist.  I find it motivational, as cheesy as it is.

But, on a relationship standpoint, it is also great.  I feel like we have crashed and burned and made a million mistakes.  But really, we have come through them all together.  I also feel like we have spent much time saying “we’ll make it some day.”

Sometimes still, I feel like real life escapes us.  That we are doomed to always be trying to pay back my student debt, that Patrick will always be looking for a job, that we will never have a family of our own.  But, really, that stuff all comes.  And God makes a way for it to come in his time.  And we will look back at this time too and say that we made it.

Pretty cool stuff.

I find it all quite encouraging.

So, there you have it, my marriage as kind of interpreted in two songs by the Vocal Few.   

Less sappiness and nostalgia to follow tomorrow, I am sure.

Four (NOT the character from Divergent)

Patrick and I have been married for four years as of yesterday!

I realized  that is basically the equivalent of a standard undergraduate degree.  That is pretty crazy.

My life has been divided in fours for basically almost half of its existence.

Four years of high school, four years of undergrad degree, four years of med school.

Residency actually is the odd thing out being five years.

Now my marriage fit in too.  I know, most people do units of 5 as a big deal.  But, I was pretty impressed with the whole four thing.  So was Patrick.  He got us an appropriate ice cream cake (and made BBQ supper).  He reports the girl at the ice cream store was equally impressed by the whole four years thing.

Maybe four is the new five.

Okay, no not really, but it is nice to celebrate a wee bit (even if I’m not the celebrating sort).

We are so blessed.

Coffee and Jesus

I acquired this image from demelzainwonderland.wordpress.com (check her blog out!!).

Well, this about sums up a day in my life.

Recently, I have been struggling a lot with this balance.  

I am trying to cut back on the coffee.  I have acknowledged that quitting smoking is difficult and if it is anything like cutting back coffee when in medicine, I can at least better imagine how tough it must be.  I am not a HUGE coffee drinker.  I was a maybe two cup per day person… Three if social circumstances required.  But, trying to keep it down to one cup per day is mind blowing for me.  Physically it isn’t too bad.  But, the habit of having coffee and the social aspect is terrible.

In medicine, there is sometimes free coffee at rounds.  And when we want to teach, we often teach “over coffee.”  And one of the best ways to sneak off the floor for a few minutes is to volunteer to go get coffee.  Plus, the cafeteria at my hospital stops selling all but Tim’s coffee after 2.  Which means you are limited to Tim’s decaf, which, in my opinion tastes more like cigarette butts than their real coffee.

In my social life, I have a number of friends who are equally coffee addicts.  Or it is just the main socially acceptable beverage to socialize over.

So, the coffee balance is a struggle.  But coffee is good.  So, that is okay.

Then, there is a whole Jesus thing.  Well, not a thing.  Person.  Deity.  All that.

I have found the whole lot of Jesus thing hard.  

Not because He isn’t always around.  But because I don’t always want Him around.

And at least half the people reading think I am crazy.  And that is fine.

Back to my point…

I have really been struggling with the battle between being legalistic and going through the motions versus genuine faith.  A lot of my recent everything has been one the going through the motions side of things.  I can give a million excuses.  I have been tired, and sad about a bunch of things and stressed about a bunch of somewhat related things.  And I just haven’t wanted to give myself up.   

I feel like I got past some of that stuff, but then I got caught in the what I have to do trap.  I kept thinking that I needed to do certain things to be faithful.  That what I did “spiritually” affected my outcome in everything. 

The problem was that I took the focus off God and had it on me.  That isn’t cool.

We talked about that in church this week.  There was a name for it.  I forgot the name of it.  The concept of being faithful for what you will escape because of it.  I can’t remember, but really, I guess that isn’t important.

What is important is God.  And that was something I was reminded of.

Look at Joseph hanging out in prison and when he gets his chance to shine in front of Pharoh, he throws the emphasis and the credit back to God.  Like he should.  

The goal is to be worshipful.  Not to be self-fulfilled.  

I need to work on that.  But, the first step is admitting it is an issue and asking God to give me better intentions.  

But yes, coffee and Jesus.  Key elements for survival.

Yay Vacation!

I have a mountain of books, a bag packed, lots of sunscreen, bug spray and no work for one full week.

Posting will be sporadic at best.

My last day pre-vacation of work was suboptimal… I had someone die, someone else crash and wind up in ICU and found a wailing, sobbing spouse in the hallway.

Quote of the day, “He is happy.  I mean, he isn’t thrilled that his spleen blew up or that the slew of medications haven’t worked and that we still don’t have a good grasp of what is going on.  But, other than that, he is content.”

On the bright side, Patrick made me chicken parmesan to start off vacation.  And, well, it is vacation!

 

Cool stuff from Song of Solomon

Earlier this week, I noticed the Daily Post asked the question in one of their prompts, “tell us about a thing you will never write about.”  A few things instantly popped into my head, but when I get down to it, even those I might consider writing on if the time is right.

One of those topics that popped into my mind is sex.

Reasoning… Well, my parents read this blog.  My inner teenager says, “EWWWWW.”

Realistically, I have broached the topic a few times, mainly around concepts of intimacy and such.  And here I go again…

Our church has, for the past two-ish months, been doing a series on Song of Solomon.  People tend to be of two minds on this chunk of scripture.  Although I know most people won’t deny it is part of the Bible and relevant, many people (me included… the person who asks strangers about erectile function) feel uncomfortable with the poetry and the romance in this book.  Some people are even more uncomfortable with the fact that it is the “sex” book.  Other people are intrigued because it is different and it is about, well, sex and relationships.

It shouldn’t matter what any of us think because it is scripture and as rare and bizarre as it is to have it be a part of the discussion at church and small group, it is important.  It is Biblical wisdom.  Apparently it was shared at wedding celebrations back in the day (*gasps from the staunch). 

The series isn’t quite done yet, but I thought I would share what I have gleaned from the experience… And this is nowhere near the depth of which we covered it, or the depth to which God probably intends it.

One thing that I found interesting before we even get into things is the concept that Solomon wrote this.  Solomon with the million wives (okay, not a million, but a bunch).  That kind of weirded me out.  What does buddy with masses of wives know about real love?  The notion that the pastor put forth, as have several commentaries I have read is that these are supposed to representations of “every man” and “every woman” and that Solomon may be writing in generalities from his experience as influenced by God.  AKA… Don’t bash the book because of who the human attached to it is.

So, big themes that stuck out for me as a wife and as a woman.

Beauty.

Beauty is a huge concept throughout this book.  There are lines and lines of nauseating poetry complimenting one another.  Head to toe descriptions. And looks at how we measure beauty.

Even back then, culture and society influenced beauty (see S of S 1:5-7).  She was influenced by her past and her present.  But, the girl in this passage recognizes her own inherent beauty despite that stuff.  A good lesson for all of us.

Bigger than her recognizing her inner beauty, despite what she points out culture would consider flaws, is the guy and how he sees her beauty.  And talks about it over and over again.  He measures her beauty from a heart of love and she is transformed.

I wouldn’t have noticed it unless it was pointed out to me, but she really is.  As the cheesy dialogue progresses, she acknowledges her beauty more and loves him more.

Fascinating.

God made us.  Refer back to Genesis 1&2 for that stuff.

Full body beauty is appreciation of the fullness of God’s grace, God’s plan and God’s creation.  Married people are God’s gifts to one another.

The couple in S of S is big on the full body appreciation.  There are multiple chunks where they literally do head to toe descriptions of one another.  This points back to God’s appreciation and beauty in His creation, but also to the overarching concept of beauty.  That our denying our own beauty and uniqueness is basically, in a way, taking away from that of God and of our spouse.

Whoa.  Hang on a second… That is tough stuff to swallow.  Especially maybe moreso for women.  Many of us from a young age feel shame about our bodies, our imperfections.  But, our spouses don’t notice that stuff.  That is just part of our awesomeness.  And we should accept that.  Because that is God’s grace.

I am still working on wrapping my head around that stuff.

There is the whole pursuit thing that goes along with the beauty and leads up to intimacy.  God pursues us kind of like the young man.  He thinks we are beautify.  He thinks we are perfect.  He protects us and shields us from others.  We have a longing for wholeness and beauty and God is how we find these things.  Fascinating parallels.

Then, there is the whole intimacy thing.  Probably the other bigger concept.

Well, duh, you say… The whole book is basically about marriage and sex.

But, this is pure intimacy.  As in the way God intended.

And no, it isn’t perfect.

Check out chapter 5 if you want not perfect.  It is real marriage stuff (and some hilarious (at least to me) double entendre).  Wife gets ticked at husband for being out too late and locks him out.  He peels.  Then she feels bad and goes out after him.  And life gets really rough without him.  In the end, it is okay.  But bad stuff does happen, but it is important to remember that the security of relationship is huge.  And that the intimacy of marriage is stronger than a silly fight.  Marriage is a covenant.  You can’t just walk out of a covenant.  God makes it tough to do that.  He is big on covenants (think Noah and the ark).

But right, back to intimacy.

One of the reasons God sticks someone in your life is holiness. He will remake you (refer up to the beauty thing).  If God comes first, you worship your way out of the negative cycle of self harm and self indulgence.    Christ died for the church.  Man would die for his wife.  But, realistically, do we care enough about our relationship, our witness to address hard topics with grace?  To die to ourselves?

Intimacy does not equal nakedness.

Society teaches the opposite.  Most of us spend life thinking sex=intimacy.

That isn’t true.  Sex is a reflection of intimacy, but not intimacy itself.   Just like lust is really the opposite of love, but we sometimes mistake them for the same thing.

Intimacy requires honesty, dedication and selflessness.  Intimacy requires making room for Christ in a relationship and acknowledging a need for grace because we are flawed.  Intimacy is a togetherness while acknowledging one another’s beauty and space.

Intimacy exists in the concept of redemption.  Our identity needs to be rooted in Christ and not in our shame and guilt.  We lose out on so much when we exist in fear and guilt and when we let our desires drive us to sin.  We are all flawed, so grace comes up again and again.   We are perfect for each other, but we need forgiveness and remaking to enjoy that intimacy.

Marriage was God’s plan.  He made it to place protection for our humanness.  A container for passion, if you may.

Nowhere does this passage say sex is bad, that one gender is “better” or that beauty consists of certain criteria.  This passage simply addresses the importance of intimacy in a relationship in the realities of life and the importance of sharing in that kind of love in a covenant relationship.

Sex does not come until chapter 4.  At least that is what is assumed to be the wedding night and why they keep saying “do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”  Because things actually drag along for awhile building intimacy and relationship before the sex comes along.   Sex came from all of the intimacy.  Not the reverse.  And yes, there is plenty more after chapter 4 (well, minus that bit where she misplaces her husband…).  Again, this does not go along with what society teaches us.  But, it makes sense if you follow the poetry along.  And it makes sense when you say that sex is a reflection of intimacy, not just intimacy alone.

Pretty cool stuff for a bunch of poetry.

Weekly Photo Challenge: Fleeting

This week’s photo challenge with the Daily Post is entitled “Fleeting.”

One of the suggested photos was the rare double rainbow.  Interestingly enough, we saw one last week during a strange sun-shower.  I was lucky enough to capture a few shots of it from our balcony.  It was a bright spot in what had been a really rough week.

One Year City-versary

On Sunday after church at our new (okay, not so new anymore) church and brunch with some newly transplanted (again, not quite so newly) old friends, we went on a field trip to explore a legitimately new-to-us beach.  A wonderful way to spend a post-call Sunday.

On the way there, I pointed out to Patrick that one year ago that day, we were packing up to leave the Rock and all the stress and angst that went with it.

That leads us to today… Our official one year anniversary of moving in to our apartment (if you consider our first night when we lived in it, in the dark (silly apartments lacking most light fixtures) and slept on the floor all the while marveling at how big and nice our new place is compared to where we lived before..

It is pretty crazy to look back and realize that I will soon be finishing up my first year of residency and that we have lived in what I still call our new home for a year.

We were laying in bed talking way past my bedtime last night about some changes and feelings around that kind of stuff and I pointed out how melancholy I was about the whole thing.  For those of you who know psychiatry I am talking near full blown adjustment disorder.  I was happy to be close to home and entering the program I wanted to be in, but terrified all at the same time to be away from our old new friends, the hospital I knew and now in a mysterious, expensive, big city. I was pretty down and distressed about the whole thing.  It passed quickly once I got into the swing of things, but it was one of my lower points thus far.

And now look at us.  We are happy and healthy and have friends and a cat and family nearby and a church and jobs and furniture and we can pay our bills.  That is a lot of “ands”.  I consider them necessary for emphasis.

We had a good laugh last night remembering how we didn’t have cable and how we went outside to do laundry.  We remembered the point in our life when our living room had one chair and an end table and the point in our life where we slept on an air mattress.  We remembered a time where we would try to aim our car to hit bumps in hopes it might knock whatever was loose in our AC so that we could get some good cold air again on our drives down the highway.  We remembered getting lost… Again and again.  How we built our BBQ (that I like to joke nearly ended our marriage… But it didn’t really). How terrified I was to be a “real” doctor (wait… that is still happening).

Things are good.  God has blessed us in many ways over this past year.  And thus, it blows my mind that it has been a year.  What blows my mind even more is what might be to come over the next year.

For now, though, I will enjoy my time hanging out with Jeter on the deck (yes, I have him on a harness, so he doesn’t decide to up and plummet 11 floors to his death).